Sanity's Haven (mara37) wrote,
Sanity's Haven

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On the outside, looking IN

so it seems that people get influenced by their friends/significant others every day to do dumb shit. it doesn't really make any sense, because those seem to be the people you think that love you and would honor your morals and reasonings the best. however, in the real world those people try to pull you down with them. not all of them... but most. the thing is people aren't always very sure what the right and wrong thing is to do. they see other people live their lives like drunken assholes and it looks fun from the outside. they see people be in abusive relationships... and it looks like they're just arguing sometimes... it can't be that bad. they see people never going home... to their wives, to their families.. and it seems like having a good time should be more important.
unfortunately we start filling the world with sad empty people. no one ever intended us to be this way. the good times are supposed to be spent with the people we love, our spouse, our family, the people we hold accountable. i think we forget the importance and genuity of these people we have in our lives because for a split second, the sad empty life seems satisfying.
i don't like being like that and i don't imagine anyone does. but how do we stay together? how do we avoid taking the most important people in out lives for granted? how do we show that to people who don't understand?

i'm not sad and i'm depressed. i haven't been for a while. i know my journals may reflect that at times, but if that's the impression you get, then you haven't been spending enough time actually talking to me. i finally got the whole John thing out of my head. the most important thing is that we're friends and if he needs anything or whatever, that i'll be there no matter what. i'm kinda seein' Nick now, but it's hard to say. He makes me laugh and makes me feel like i'm hottest girl in the room. We have good conversation... i don't know though. i've been talking to him since August on a whim because I wanted to find someone else as quickly as I could. it sucks he has to be that guy, but... i like him around. i don't know if it'll be anything, but for now, its just what i need. i don't know.. none of this is making sense and i'm whoa tired.
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